if i were to say that i am neither anxious nor disappointed, who am i kidding?
it is simply unfair that i alone have to bear this month-long mental torture (60x60x24x30=2592000 seconds) just for that three hundred seconds (0.01%) of sheer joy (and it was solely for you).
i have been thinking, i have been thinking for more than a week, why was i so foolish to be taken in? why was i so naive to believe every word you said? the only solution after racking my brain for what seemed like eternity was that nothing mattered to me at that point in time. ignorance; indifference; impassiveness; nonchalance. and that is perhaps one of my greatest weakness. whenever i'm faced with an obstacle, be it a hundred-feet high barricade, or merely a minuscule micro-organism that comes in my way, if i were to give in to my emotions, it'll be d-day for the rest of can'tthinkofhowlong. i knew your words were free, i was fully aware of what you were doing, i smirked at your reply, i smirked at your actions, i smirked at my reactions. i did your bidding, you got angry because i didn't. you got angry because you saw a shimmer at the corner of my eye. you got angry because i didn't allow you to do this and that. and at that point in time, i wanted you to be happy, to be satisfied. i didn't want to be left alone, i didn't want to be abandoned. i wanted back that feeling i'd lost, yes now i've got what i wanted, the process it was saccharine sweet, it was unthinkable, it was unimaginable, but the consequences...

i've lost all the confidence i once had. my opinion of you (this group of impetuous, reckless dickheads) has plunged right down, though it hasn't reached the earth's core. it only requires one dickhead to completely seal the bastardized sex in the outside world from me. hallelujah i've met three.





enough of self-reflection.
some happy stuff for today.
7-11 peeps are really nice:)
i've just found jingjie and dave fun people to work with, though jj looks quiet and blah but he's not and he keeps bullying me hah!
oh yes and dave and i shared this captain kim's spicy seaweed crackers today which was omfg damn nice!
and whenever some random guy buys a pack of condoms, dave seems to be some mind-reader cause he'll be like..."yes? what are you thinking?" after the guy leaves and i'll burst out laughing cause some guys they just look so damn decent!
yes yes yes and i will always remember never ever to say something like "wa, so little customers today". cause the moment i said that, five minutes later, people came streaming in and the queue started to snake and i saw impatient faces and dave was closing the other counter! damn!
and it's really nice to occasionally see people smiling back at you and saying "happy new year!"
oh and today the bread was almost completely wiped off from the shelves, and shin min and wan bao were sold out within a few hours of delivery! gosh!
brought back many packs of today-expired food for family!


it's a wonder how one single text message can do wonders.
there were few customers and disturbing thoughts started to settle.
things got a little better, before i saw that very message i think i smiled to myself like an ass.
i don't care if it's forwarded, or just for fun, or i was one of the many recipients i don't care i don't care! but the very thought that at the very least i actually crossed your mind already makes me happyhappyhappy:)
all smiles on the way home! :D
just a random thought, don't you think a person's replies in sms shows how much you mean to him/her???
like for example, compare:
"nights! sweet dreams! dream of me hor! XD" and...
"gdnight" (no exclamation mark, punctuation, smiley face or whatsoever)
haha okay this is just random.


some silly thing i did when i got home.
i rarely have the habit of rubbing my contacts cause more often than not laziness gets the better of me.
today when i got home i don't know why i decided for a change to rub them.
*rub rub rub*
...
*SPLITS!*
and there goes my one-week old monthly disposable contacts.
damn!


i'm dead beat and my bed misses me.
tata=)